


Lapsus Memoriae

by lilithiumwords



Category: Amnesia: The Dark Descent, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Amnesia, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Dubious Morality, Horror, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Monsters, Non-Graphic Violence, Suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 05:57:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20502029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilithiumwords/pseuds/lilithiumwords
Summary: The descent cannot be halted. Only slowed.





	Lapsus Memoriae

The silence wakes him first; then, some distant sound, like a scream.

He jolts into consciousness, inhaling and coughing, dizzy beyond anything he has felt before. His head hurts, and his mouth tastes vile. He curls into himself after the attack fades, not daring to lift his head for fear of sending the world spinning. His bed is soft, luxurious in a way he never gets used to, even though that person always spoils him with frivolity.

Even though ... who?

He frowns to himself, his head aching as he struggles to make sense of his thoughts. He cannot remember who used to be in his memories. Somebody who meant something to him, who... is no longer there.

He doesn't remember their face. He cannot remember their _name._

He cannot remember his own name.

He panics and pushes himself up, only to feel paper beneath his palm. He looks down to find a note in his hand, written in a familiar script, though he cannot remember who writes like that for the life of him. He grimaces and reads.

> _My dear Yuuri,_
> 
> _When you wake, you will be alone and confused. I am sorry, my love, but this is for the best. Stay in your room, and you will remain safe. When dawn comes, my power over this world will be gone, and you will be able to escape. If you try to leave before then... be careful of making too much noise._
> 
> _Please do not stop me. I wish only for you to be happy, and there exists an entire world that will fulfill you in ways I never could. Be free, my love._
> 
> _With all my adoration,_   
_Your beloved_
> 
> _P.S. Your glasses are on the table, with a lantern for light. The money is yours, to do with as you wish._

Yuuri... his name is Yuuri. And this person is... someone who loves him? 

The letter fills Yuuri with a great sadness and aching frustration. He feels like he should be angry at this person for putting him here, but Yuuri cannot think of why. He lets the emotions course through him, trying to absorb all of the messages in the letter, before bravely turning his attention to the rest of the room. 

Just like the opulent bed, the room is richly decorated, with lush blue accents against sleek oak wood. The curtains have been pulled aside to allow moonlight to stream in, and the door is firmly closed. Yuuri is the only person in the room, yet he feels as if another person should be here with him. His beloved... who left him here? 

Yuuri frowns and focuses on the last part of the letter. Glasses. Now that he thinks about it, he can barely make out the details of his surroundings, only the haze of colors. 

When Yuuri turns his head, he finds the glasses and wallet sitting as described beside a flickering lantern. A few boxes of flint complete the odd little collection. He reaches for the glasses and slides them on, then checks the wallet, which is shockingly is full of cash, money that Yuuri would never spend on himself. He grew up poor and he never resented it, but to have this... 

Anxiety duels with his lingering frustration. The letter said to stay in this room, but it also implied that his beloved would be gone. Yuuri doesn't understand how he came to this place, or why his 'beloved' left him in this room, but he wants to find out. Whatever lies outside the room won't hurt him -- he is certain of that. 

Yuuri slides the letter and flint into the pocket of his trousers, then carefully climbs out of bed. He finds a basin of water and washes his mouth of the horrible taste, then drinks as much as he can stomach, before focusing on his decision. 

He will leave, and he will find this _beloved_ of his and have a few words with him.

~*~

Yuuri leaves his room just as the moon reaches its zenith in the sky, finding himself in the middle of a vast manor filled with long hallways, ripped curtains, and broken furniture. His room seems to be the only one with its contents still intact. The rooms he peeks into are as opulent as his own, yet pieces of wood and odd stains litter the floors. Sometimes, Yuuri thinks he sees claw marks on the walls.

Even stranger are the noises, such as howling screams that must be from wolves, yet they sound like they come from downstairs. Yuuri even thinks he hears a voice at one point, but it vanishes as soon as Yuuri starts to run toward the sound. As he makes his way through the manor, Yuuri's anxiety picks up, getting worse as he finds no one, no sign of any other person.

He wonders where his beloved is, and if he can even find them.

As he glances into another destroyed room, Yuuri hears an odd shuffling noise from down the hall. He turns in confusion and lifts his lantern, and the light lands on a distant figure. His heart leaping, Yuuri moves a few steps closer, then freezes when the figure comes into the light.

A monstrous creature stands there, wearing only scraps of clothing. Its face is an abomination, and Yuuri can barely comprehend it, let alone acknowledge its sinister, inhuman visage. Yuuri lets out a shriek, which catches the monster's attention -- and it roars, eyes roving across the hallway to fix on Yuuri.

_'Be careful of making too much noise.'_

Yuuri takes off running, veering into the closest open room and slamming the door, then rushing across the darkened floor to a wardrobe, shoving himself inside to hide. He hurriedly douses his lantern, then sinks down against the silk clothing, covering his mouth tightly.

The door to the room creaks open, and Yuuri bites back a whimper. The shuffling noise he heard earlier moves closer, as the creature makes its way into the room. He can see it through the tiny space between the doors, and he hopes to whatever powers may be listening that it cannot smell fear.

He stays absolutely still as it passes his wardrobe. The shuffling slowly moves away, then leaves the room, yet Yuuri does not move until he can only hear silence.

_What was that? Why was it here?_

Yuuri cannot make sense of what he saw. He thinks of going back to his room and locking the door, but he fears running into that creature again. He wants to find the person who put him into this situation and demand answers.

If he keeps quiet... then he should be okay.

Slowly, Yuuri climbs out of the wardrobe, then hurries across the room to shut the door again. He returns to light his lantern with a piece of flint, breathing out as the flame flickers to life, then lifts it to look around. He realizes he has not explored this room when his eyes land on a large painting on the wall.

His breath catches in his throat. The painting depicts a beautiful man with shining hair and deep blue eyes, a mysterious smile on his face. Something about him demands attention, and Yuuri cannot help but draw closer, lifting a hand to touch the edge of the golden frame.

_Count Viktor Nikiforov._

He seems lonely. Yuuri wonders if this is his beloved or someone else. He must be someone important, because Yuuri feels more than ever before just looking at him -- fondness, pain, frustration, hope, love. Maybe he doesn't remember, but his heart knows this person.

_Viktor..._

Yuuri winces as his head aches sharply, then shakes off the pain and looks around. The room isn't as messy as others, so Yuuri walks over to the large desk and shuffles through the papers in its drawers, until he finds a letter with more familiar writing, though different from the one he was left with. Curious, he glances at the signature, and goes stiff when he sees his own name.

The letter speaks of his excitement in coming to Russia -- that must be where he is now -- and his readiness to join Viktor in his projects. Yuuri feels a rush of emotion at the confirmation that the reason for his presence is the same as the man in the painting. He carefully tucks away the letter, then gazes up at the painting again, looking at the face that must have smiled down on him in real life not long ago.

His eyes narrow. "I will find you, Viktor," Yuuri whispers, then takes his lantern and leaves.

~*~

As Yuuri makes his way deeper into the manor, he finds more letters from himself to Viktor. The letters from Viktor must be hidden away somewhere, perhaps in that room where he woke up, or in a locked chamber. He can glean some information from his own letters, at least.

He and Viktor were experimenting for a large project. Viktor hadn't shared many details with Yuuri early on, perhaps waiting until he arrived, but some of the letters had mentioned chemicals and odd powers, speaking of the 'subjects' of their experiments with little emotion. Yuuri could read between the lines; the 'subjects' were people, whether willing or not.

He should be bothered more by that. Instead, he finds himself drawn to his own shy words, almost awed by the way he opens up to Viktor in his letters. By the sixth letter, Yuuri realizes that he has fallen in love with Viktor, even over the great distance between them.

Viktor called him _beloved_. Surely, he must still feel the same, if he tried to protect Yuuri.

Finding nothing else in the rooms, Yuuri finally ventures downstairs, coming to a large hall on the ground floor with stained glass windows and a great statue of a woman where a fountain once was. The room seems ethereal, safe even; yet Yuuri thinks he must press on, because he can still hear howling, and he needs to hurry. Morning _cannot_ come before he finds Viktor.

He remains quiet and cautious the entire time, careful of that creature. He sometimes hears it shuffling through the halls, but he always hides when that happens. He realizes there must be more than one creature, because he sees two of them at once in one of the rooms on the ground floor, which makes him hide in a closet for a while. When he finally surfaces, the creatures are gone again.

Sometimes, as Yuuri walks, he starts to remember things. Little scenes, of standing with someone, laughing with them, working with strange chemicals and sliding syringes into arms. He starts to suspect that the creatures roaming these halls are the 'subjects' mentioned in his letters. He fears that _he_ may have helped to change them into such a state -- were they once human? Were they always monsters?

Yuuri wishes he could remember, and yet at the same time, he doesn't want to know. It doesn't matter in the end -- he just needs to find Viktor.

Hours pass. Yuuri fears that the morning will come after all. He hasn't found any doors or stairs that will lead him downwards. At a loss, Yuuri returns to the chamber with its broken fountain and sinks to the floor in one of the little alcoves, rubbing at his tired eyes.

He misses Viktor. Even if he doesn't remember, he misses the person who called him _beloved_ in his letter. He feels very alone here, like he doesn't belong, and he hates it.

Out of the corner of his eye, Yuuri sees something pale. He turns his head and lays eyes on a man standing on the other side of the chamber, his hair almost shining beneath the moonlight. Yuuri catches blue eyes for an instant, before suddenly the man turns and walks away, disappearing around a corner Yuuri didn't notice before.

"Wait," Yuuri breathes, then stumbles to his feet and takes off running. "Wait! Viktor, is that you? Wait for me!"

Yet when Yuuri reaches the space where the man disappeared, he finds nothing -- except a door left ajar.

Yuuri takes a deep breath, then squares his shoulders and opens the door. Wind blows past his face, but the stairs are completely dark, save for a flame-lit sconce several steps down. Yuuri doesn't hesitate to descend.

~*~

Beneath the mansion exists an entire other world of deep caverns, intricate machinery, and terrifying echoes of sounds that Yuuri wishes he could not hear. He loses sight of Viktor's figure, but a path has been lit for him nonetheless, which he uses to make his way deeper into the heart of darkness. He finds no more letters, but some of the rooms he sees are laboratories, while others have cages with mysterious dark stains on the ground. The cages are always empty.

Yuuri turns his eyes away from these rooms of blood and chaos, a dull ache in his chest at the knowledge that he must have assisted this cruelty in some way. What made him believe it was worth it? Did he always have this darkness inside him, or was it created when he came to this place to be with Viktor?

Yuuri tries not to think too hard about it. Instead, he focuses on following Viktor. At one point he gets lost, as all of the lights go out, and he is left without any way forward -- likely Viktor trying to stop him. Yuuri pushes onward regardless, using cleverness to find a hidden latch in the wall that will lead him out of the rancid halls.

At last Yuuri stumbles into a grand room built into a large, dark cavern. A massive stalagmite made of a pink-hued crystal takes up most of the floor, and around it has been drawn a great circle with strange symbols in deep red paint. When Yuuri moves closer, he catches an odd scent and wrinkles his nose, realizing that it isn't paint after all. 

He finds Viktor standing at the edge of the circle, lifting his hands as he chants in a strange language that hurts Yuuri's ears. Impossibly, the air shifts with a strong wind, blowing Yuuri's hair out of his face. He watches in shock as lines appear in the crystal, then light up with some sort of energy, while the mysterious symbols on the ground begin to glow.

Then the crystal turns white and explodes, and Yuuri is thrown back, crying out as he hits the floor.

When he looks up, Yuuri sees Viktor standing in front of a bright whirl of energy -- a portal, which sits where the crystal once stood. The lines of symbols are gone, and Viktor stares at the portal with wide eyes, looking half-mad.

Yuuri's heart leaps in fear when Viktor takes a step forward.

"Wait!" Yuuri shouts, scrambling to his feet and reaching out for Viktor. The energy of the portal tugs at his clothes, whipping his hair across his face, and he pushes his bangs back.

Viktor stills, then turns halfway, laying deep blue eyes upon Yuuri. He looks just like his painting, though now haggard and desolate, a darkness in his eyes that was not reflected on canvas. His lips twitch into a sad smile.

"Yuuri," Viktor says quietly. Somehow, despite the roar of the portal, Yuuri can hear him clearly. The sight of Viktor and the sound of his name on Viktor's lips overwhelms him, and a great pain fills his head. 

Time slows for him. He sees Viktor standing before him, but with clean clothes and excitement to meet him. He sees visions of working alongside Viktor in the laboratories, of long meals full of laughter and flirtation, of falling into bed together. He sees terrible, dark things -- joining Viktor when he leaves the manor, hunting people with him, torturing those people. He sees himself losing humanity, while starting to wonder if Viktor ever had any.

He sees Viktor noticing, worrying, hurting. He sees Viktor giving him a drink, before his vision goes dark.

Yuuri's world tilts sideways. Viktor shouts his name and lunges for him, catching Yuuri in his arms before his head hits the floor. Yuuri reaches up weakly to grasp his arm as Viktor pulls him close, solemn and mournful as he gazes down at Yuuri.

"Viktor, please..."

"My dear Yuuri," Viktor murmurs, brushing Yuuri's hair from his eyes. "You were supposed to stay in your room. You were supposed to leave."

"How could I leave you?" Yuuri begs. "You took away my memories! My most precious thing... you took it away from me, Viktor."

Viktor closes his eyes. "I know, my dear. I took away the most precious part of you... the good person inside you. I killed that person and replaced them with a monster, just as I did with my creations. Surely, you must be here for revenge --"

"No!" Yuuri shouts, pushing himself up and taking Viktor's face in his hands. "You're my most precious person! How could you _leave me_, Viktor?"

Viktor stares at him with wide eyes, before breathing in sharply and turning to kiss Yuuri's hand. He glances back at the portal, then looks down at Yuuri, visibly torn. "Yuuri... I had to protect you. The experiments upset you. I had to do them to power the ritual."

"I don't care."

"But I do not belong to your world," Viktor says desperately. "All this time, I have been trying to return home. That portal will take me to my world. This is my only chance... don't you see? You should live a happy life, free of these dark memories. Please, take the potion and leave."

Yuuri shakes his head. "No, Viktor. I agreed to all of it. I knew you weren't normal, and I don't care. Please... take me with you. A world that doesn't have you might as well be empty to me. I can't forget you."

Viktor's eyes go wide, staring at Yuuri in wonder. Carefully, he rises to his feet, pulling Yuuri up with him and steadying him before letting go. He looks at the portal again, then down at Yuuri, softening. "Yuuri... will you come with me?" He holds out his hand. Yuuri doesn't need to think about it. 

"Yes, Viktor," Yuuri says, his eyes shining as he takes Viktor's hand. Together they walk into the light and vanish, leaving that world of darkness behind.

Maybe his soul is as dark as he remembers. Maybe the world on the other side of the portal will be alien and unknown. Yuuri doesn't care -- he just wants to stay with Viktor forever. He never wants to lose his memories of Viktor again.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for _In the Dark of Night_, a YOI horror zine. Thank you so much to the mods and contributors of the zine for letting me take part in such a fantastic endeavor.
> 
> Follow me on [twitter for updates and ramblings on various things. Let me know what you think! (*´♡`*)](https://twitter.com/lilithiumwords%22)


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